On Showing Up

Between S graduating kindergarten and starting summer camp, a very busy season at work, and some assorted personal shit last month’s newsletter did not happen, so this newsletter will cover both May and June. Thanks for bearing with me.

It is hot. Unbearably hot. The heat makes it difficult for me to sleep and contributes to brain fog, which combined means I’ve been reading less than usual. But here’s a selection of the books I’ve enjoyed most so far this summer. I would recommend all of them!

WASP’S NEST is officially in copyedits! I should have a publication date to share soon, but it’s looking like it will be about 1 year from…today, actually. Being a Published Author™️ is starting to feel more real. AHHHH!

While I wait for copyedits to review, Campus WIP is at the top of my agenda. I have over 20k drafted, most of which falls during Part 1. That word count is definitely a milestone, but I was having trouble celebrating it—sure, I wrote 20k, but I have another 60k (give or take) to write, and that’s at least 3x the work I’d already put in before I will have created anything that’s roughly book-shaped. I spent a few days tangling myself into knots about it (will this book be garbage? will I even finish writing it? will I ever finish writing a book again?), which is as unproductive as it is unavoidable.1

The drafting stage terrifies me. Sure it’s fun and exciting, and there’s nothing like the clarity of being In The Zone, but those high points are punctuated by self-doubt, frustration, and other such lovely emotions.

The problem, I realized, was this: I was trying to build on a shaky foundation. My main character has evolved so much since I started writing this book last August. She has a different home state, a different relationship history, a different area of academic focus. The novel’s central conflicts have shifted, new supporting characters have appeared and other characters have changed so much they feel brand new. I feel like the draft contains more gaps than substance.

Rather than forcing myself to draft Parts 2-5 of the book, I decided to shore up Part 1. My plan is to revise the scenes I’ve drafted,2 cut stuff that doesn’t work, draft missing bits, and generally piece things together until it’s solid enough to support the rest of the book. This is how I wrote WASP, so I’m giving it a go here too.3 I’m feeling energized by this decision, which is always a good sign.

I don’t consider myself a big “plotter,” but maybe I am, by comparison. I generally don’t use outlines to determine where the book is going, instead they organize where it’s been (reverse outlining my beloved). I took all the scenes I’d drafted so far and fit them into the format below. Part 1, which should constitute about 25% of the novel’s total word count, as of now is composed of 9 scenes over 7 chapters. It will be interesting to see how those numbers change as the shape of the book does.

I’m still figuring out the main character’s relationships with the central people in her life—her erstwhile best friend and first love, her current best friend and housemate, her colleagues, the woman she’s seeing, and her parents. Hopefully, after solidifying Part 1, I will have answers to some of my questions (in addition to more questions, of course).

I’d like to finish this revision by the end of August, at which point I hope to share it with my agent for her feedback. My big picture goal is to finish drafting the rest of the book by next Spring, before WASP comes out. I don’t know if I will need to take time to shore up parts 2 or 3 before moving on. I will keep checking in with myself and revising my goals to suit my energy levels, my pre-pub schedule, my non-writing obligations, and anything else that crops up.

Consistency really is key. For me, that doesn’t mean writing every day. I’ve tried it, and it leads to burnout. For me, consistency is staying mentally engaged with my project,4 reading (fiction and nonfiction), regularly exchanging notes with my writer friends, setting monthly goals that I can adjust as needed, and maintaining a balance between expecting progress and being kind to myself.

This year I wasn't able to fully participate in #1000wordsofsummer (I was managing some big events for my day job both weekends), so I gave myself permission to write Monday-Friday both weeks, and I’m really glad I did. That adjusted goal worked perfectly for me. A few years ago, I would have pushed myself to participate every day, failed to meet the daily 1000 word goal, gotten discouraged, given up, and probably spiraled for a bit afterwards. I still spiral sometimes (see above), but step by step I’m creating a practice that works for me.

Find shade, drink water, and eat ice cream.

Until next month.

xo K